Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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