Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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