Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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