I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
