if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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