YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
