Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
