Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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