I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
this is an emotional support booty call
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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