I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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