Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my being single is dangerous.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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