apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
