just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
