nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
did you just send me my own nude
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
