I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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