remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
