I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
