I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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