he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
