Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
