dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
