I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
