You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
