i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
