I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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