Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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