i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
