no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
