I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
