So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My bed smells like the plague
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
