we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
