All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize