All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
