i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize