One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Couch. On fire.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
