Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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