Where is the hickey?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
