You smell like a Billy Joel song
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
