Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
