I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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