it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
