Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
