Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
