i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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