Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I would ride that face into the sunset
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
