There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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