I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
