soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
