you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize