sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
