i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
