Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
