Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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