I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize