dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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