I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
