your room smells of hookers.
And success
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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