using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
