Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize