the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
