it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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