I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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