This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
