You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
