Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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