What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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