I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
