From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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